Letterman's 'Small Town News' sites not so small

David Letterman calls it "Small Town News," but often the newspapers that provide grist for his occasional feature on The Late Show aren't so small. Tonight, four of the seven were metropolitan dailies. Perhaps Dave should stick to the truly small towns, since the big ones get plenty of attention already. Or maybe including the big ones helps avoid rural stereotypes.

Now that we've sucked our thumbs on that issue, we're obliged to pass along the funny papers, so to speak. Here they are in the order Dave gave them; at least he started with the rural papers. The Lassen County Times of Susanville, Calif., advertised a yard sale with "free rabies." The Biddeford-Saco-Old Orchard Beach Courier in Maine reported that a shoplifter put "pork chops down her pants." The Challis Courier of Idaho ran an ad offering to trade an old clothes dryer for two unopened packages of Oreo Double Stuf cookies.

In non-rural news, the Lincoln Journal Star in Nebraska reported that a Rapid City, S.D., man charged with robbery listed his occupation as "robbery." In the Toledo Blade, a bar advertised "free toothpick with ad." The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported that a man in a nursing home "drove scooter too fast in dining room ... in a hurry to get to the sweet rolls." And a police item in The Washington Post said a woman had reported that a dog was going without food or water, but the canine turned out to be "a statue of a beagle."