Helping kids disconnect from social media means setting limits collaboratively; parents need to stick to a plan

Shutterstock image via Brookings Institution

When approaching your children about social-media limitations, the best place to plant your parental flag is to begin by asking for their own reduction ideas, advises Catherine Pearson of The New York Times. The American Academy of Pediatrics offers a free family media plan tool, which is a good conversation starter. Dr. Nina Vasan, founder of Brainstorm, Stanford University's lab for mental health innovation, "has collaborated on a social media safety plan with her colleagues. . . . The plan emphasizes the importance of making such decisions collaboratively."

Begin with discussing boundaries and ask your child what feels realistic. "Maybe your teen feels OK with paring down the number of platforms they use. Or perhaps your children are more open to the idea of establishing a maximum amount of time they're allowed to spend every day on social media platforms or screens altogether," Pearson writes."Installing apps that allow parents to block certain websites and set time limits on devices can help you enforce these boundaries, according to the Stanford social-media safety plan."

Suggesting a screen or social-media "vacation" can help a chiled deal with fear of missing out, especially if their tech time is starting to look obsessive. Pearson explains, "If your child is showing signs of problematic social media use, you may consider instituting a complete break to recalibrate your child's behavior. For some teens, that recalibration might take a few weeks; for others, it might take a few months, Dr. Vasan said." Taking a major break might mean collaborating with other parents and having a group of teens 'take a break' together. While to succeed, a family media plan needs input from teens; parents need to anticipate roadblocks and stick to their position. Dr. Vasan told Pearson: "Tell [your teen] they need to cut down, but they can choose how they will cut down."

Jean Twenge, a psychologist who has studied the effects of social media on teenagers' mental health, advised that parents "guard" sleeping time. Pearson writes, "Parents should explain to their children why smartphones cannot be in the bedroom, Dr. Twenge said. . . . She recommends sticking with a consistent strategy, like having a charging station where all family members — adults included — keep their phone overnight."

The Times article focuses on teenagers, but a 2021 survey by Common Sense Media found that nearly 40% of U.S. children aged 8 to 12  use social media," note Sophia Espinoza, Charlotte Wright and Kathy Hirsh-Pasek for the Brookings Institution. "Because the average child in the U.S. has a smartphone by age 10, it is not surprising that children in primary school are already experimenting with social media content. A survey carried out by the University of Michigan’s C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital reports that even children as young as 7 are themselves in social media apps."

Surgeon General Vivek Murthy recently issued an extraordinary public warning about the risks that social media may pose to young people's mental health and well-being. Despite the warning, researchers and teenagers say that social media can be a "lifeline," providing a sense of identity and belonging for LGBTQ youth. The devil is in the data: Parents, scientists and the surgeon general are worried. But there is little research to prove that social media is harmful — or to indicate which apps or features are problematic. More research is needed, especially with pre-teens, the Brookings writers say.