Have you ever wanted to know more about your family's history? This book helps generations connect with questions

TarcherPerigee image via The Atlantic

How much do you know about your mom or dad's life before they became a parent? Many of us know precious little, and when it comes to grandparents, aunts and uncles, we know even less. Anthropologist and professor Elizabeth Keating takes us on the journey of how her book, The Essential Questions: Interview Your Family to Uncover Stories and Bridge Generations, came to be in her story for The Atlantic.

In her work, Keating explored how family tales passed through generations, but as she researched the topic, a surprising pattern emerged. Keating writes, "I have been astonished to find that so many people know little of the lives of their parents and grandparents, despite the fact that they lived through some pretty interesting decades. Even my students, some of whom majored in history and excelled at it, were largely in the dark about their own family history."

As it turns out, many of us spent holidays, birthdays and family celebrations with loved ones we barely knew. "The reason many people don't know very much about their grandparents or even their parents is surprisingly simple: They've never thought to ask and didn't have the right questions," Keating explains. "When I saw how much I was learning as I interviewed families, I decided to ask my students at the University of Texas to do the same, tasking them with interviewing one of their grandparents using my questions."

As many a journalist can testify, interviews can go in surprising directions. Keating writes, "In one interview, a grandmother shared that when she was a girl during the Nazi era, one of her classmates suddenly disappeared, and none of the adults around her would talk about it. . . . . Another student's grandma talked about having to wait at the back of a restaurant to have her food handed through a window, because she was Cajun and couldn't go inside."

Keating's guide uses questions spanning 13 topics. "They include basic background information, such as where someone was born, as well as more abstract inquiries, such as how someone conceives of their identity, what they believe in, and what they've noticed about the passage of time," Keating notes. "Specificity is key. . . . And remember that the most important questions can also be the plainest. One of my favorites is just 'What do you wish people knew about you?'"

As people learn about their family members, they are keeping memories alive for the next generation. "Just as precious oral literatures and histories of whole communities are being lost the world over through rapid change, migration, language death, and a failure to ask, there is a risk that your family’s personal stories, too, will be lost forever," Keating writes. "Your parents and grandparents have unique snapshots and memories of the world they knew, and in learning about them, you can not only preserve the past but also create lasting meaning and connection. In families and communities, there are secrets to be discovered."