Can social awkwardness at holiday functions be avoided? No, but preparation can help manage it.

Holiday get-togethers can be
awkward. (Adobe Stock photo)

The holidays can be the best time of the year, but it can also be the most awkward. As we reconnect with family, friends and coworkers, conversations can veer into uncomfortable stories or political views that lead to dead silence or arguments. In her opinion for The Conversation, philosopher Alexandra Plakias "offers a few strategies people can use to minimize awkwardness and deal with it when it does, inevitably, happen." A condensed version of her tips is shared below.

Know your goals, know your roles. Uncertainty is the oxygen of awkwardness. Before you engage in a potentially awkward or contentious interaction, ask yourself: What do I  want to get out of this? . . . I’m not suggesting that some forethought will make things go smoothly or guarantee that no one’s feelings will be hurt. But it will help you feel more confident in your ability to navigate toward your desired outcome.
 
There’s no ‘I’ in awkward. Awkward situations breed intense self-consciousness. This is both uncomfortable and counterproductive. By focusing on yourself, you’re not attuned to the people around you or the signals they’re sending – signals that could offer you a pathway out of the awkward situation. So make sure you’re paying attention to the other players in the drama, not just your own discomfort.

Plan, coordinate and be explicit. People do so much planning in other areas of their lives, yet they expect social interactions to just flow effortlessly. . . . Have some go-to topics or questions at hand. . . .If you expect to see someone with whom you have an unresolved relationship – an estranged family member, or an old friend you ghosted – try to do some prep work in advance. Emails or letters can give people a chance to process reactions without putting them on the spot.

Laugh it off. Despite your best efforts, awkwardness does strike, offer people a way out – they’ll probably grab it. This doesn’t need to be momentous; it could be a little joke, a small-talk topic, or even – and only if things get very desperate – knocking a spoon off the table to break the silence.

Consider the alternatives. These strategies might help you avoid awkwardness. But take a moment to consider whether you really want to. Awkwardness is the result of social uncertainty; it slows things down and curbs your confidence. . . . If things are awkward, it’s worth looking around to see what role that awkwardness is playing, and what might take its place if it’s gone.

Alexandra Plakias

Alexandra Plakias is an associate professor of Philosophy at Hamilton College in New York. She's a moral psychology expert who studies social awkwardness as a way to explore how it "it stops people from engaging with difficult topics and challenging conversations." For more of her insights on social awkwardness, read her full article here.