Opinion: Millions of Americans have stopped going to church, but what they've lost is more than religion

Paul Wesslund
(Photo via USA Today)

As Americans leave church behind, many fail to see it's more than religion they're giving up. "Record numbers of Americans have quit going to church. Studies and personal stories describe people either leaving churches or just drifting away for reasons like being too busy or disagreeing on social issues," writes Paul Wesslund in his opinion for the Courier Journal in Louisville, Kentucky. "The odd thing is that these former churchgoers seem to be searching for some kind of community. . . . And those pulling away from religion don't take into account what a church can offer that addresses what people say they're searching for: Friends, and being part of something larger than themselves.

"I attended the Kentucky United Methodist Annual Conference this year, where disaffiliations were approved for the last wave of the more than 300 churches that left our conference. At the meeting, I sensed the hundreds of remaining delegates going through the classic stages of grief, including depression and acceptance. It's a denomination figuring out how to navigate a new world, working hard at keeping hope alive.

"Much of the current commentary on church attendance refers to the new book, The Great Dechurching, by Jim Davis and Michael Graham. It takes a deep dive into surveys about why so many have stopped going to church. The studies found plenty of reasons, from wanting to sleep in after being kept awake by a new baby to attending brunch with friends. . . . Other widely reported reasons cut even deeper – the widespread child abuse in the Catholic church, the use of the Bible to score political points and the too-frequent requests for money.

"The U.S. Surgeon General issued a report this year on loneliness and isolation, comparing its health effects to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. He created the report, he says, after Americans repeatedly told him they felt invisible and insignificant. That's a condition every church seeks to address, however imperfectly. . . . We overlook defects in other parts of our lives. Who hasn't had a less-than-perfect experience at what is still their favorite restaurant? Or stayed loyal to their team despite a series of boneheaded plays?

"My disagreement with one of the church's policies didn't drive me away – I helped organize a group of church members to hold forums on the [LGBTQ+] issues, to let people know that at next year's United Methodist General Conference, there could be a vote to change those policies. . . . I choose to stay because no person – or institution – is perfect. Because leaving a more diverse group of thinkers and believers for people who are closer to being exactly like me seems sad – and even wrong – because it would just contribute to today's tendency to listen only to ourselves.

"A church's hold on people doesn't come with the drama of watching a sport or offer a dinner menu. It's bigger than that. I can't help but feel that both the church and its former members are wandering around looking for each other. . . . Maybe they'll meet again."