Should I stay or should I go? One author's deep struggle to decide if she should move back to rural Appalachia

"The reason for my indecision is not clear to me."
(Photo by Ricardo Alfaro, Unsplash)

When home and holler beckon, author Kathleen M. Jacobs struggles to decide if she will move back to rural Appalachia. In her commentary for The Daily Yonder. Jacobs presents her emotional yearning for home alongside the practical worries of leaving the city.

"Thinking of returning to live once again in a rural area of West Virginia where I grew up tugs at my heart repeatedly, as if to remind me of a possibility that never leaves — has not left me since I considered it a number of years ago. The reason for my indecision is not clear to me. Perhaps that’s part of the problem.

"Certainly, the people I know in the area — have known for many years — play a vital role in my consideration to return, but in the end, it is not so much about them as it is about how I might find a way to bring something of value to the table. Because unless I can identify that crucial element, I would only be in the way, and if you know anything about rural Americans, you know there’s little appetite for that. They would wish me well and then get on with the important work to be done, and there is plenty: health care, education, jobs, housing, infrastructure, addiction treatment, the list goes on.

"Part of the calculus I am doing revolves around the housing piece, in particular. Affordable, yes, until you factor in the costs of renovations: plumbing, electrical, and structural. The beauty of the area remains untarnished, but the ever-growing number of folks leaving for more equitable employment landscapes, better health care and a stronger educational system are often not in a financial position to make these necessary repairs to their property. If they could, they might not be leaving in the first place. It’s a catch-22 for certain and a heart-wrenching one as well.

"The lack of certain access to high-speed internet service also gives me pause. It’s not an impossible situation to live with, but its challenges are pervasive and prevent so many who want to return to their rural roots from actually returning. It’s this ever-present struggle between the heart and the head. 

". . . . I retrieve from my bookcase a work that reminds me time and again why I need to take a deep breath and jump into the far end of the pool, knowing that passion for a place that struggles against all odds for a rebirth just might be enough for me to take the leap. And as I turn to read each page from Cynthia Rylant’s Appalachia: The Voice of Sleeping Birds, knowing the clock is always ticking, I am reminded of why those hills keep beckoning: a reverence for the natural world, a certain endurance in the face of adversity, a dedication to family and an unquenchable belief in a Being greater than ourselves, a reveling in the ups and downs of seasonal challenges, a people continuing to live with 'no sourness about them.' That’s when one question rises to the top: 'What are you waiting for?'”